


Honeymoon

by VaguelyDownwards



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, Science Bros, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, made-up planes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-07 16:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaguelyDownwards/pseuds/VaguelyDownwards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the honeymoon, it's back to business. Tony Stark has other plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honeymoon

Tony called it the Honeymoon Phase, and like all honeymoons, it was doomed to end.

“The way I see it,” he said as they walked, “that giant party with Loki and the gang was basically the S.H.I.E.L.D. wedding. That was us agreeing to play their game because, let’s face it, the world needs us.”

Bruce nodded uncertainly. He followed Tony’s reasoning so far, but he was almost sure he wouldn’t like wherever he was going with it. Especially since he hadn’t memorized the entire layout of the repaired Stark Tower just yet and it didn’t bode well that they seemed to be headed for the roof. Which suggested that they were not, in fact, meeting Fury and the others as requested.

“So after the wedding, obviously, you gotta have your honeymoon,” Tony continued, oblivious to Bruce’s discomfort. Or apathetic. Either one was likely. “No rules, no responsibilities, just doing whatever you wanna do. They cut us loose to go meditate on mountaintops, or feed starving children in Africa, or whatever it is you do when you’re not playing live-action Rampage.”

They reached a rather imposing set of doors. And Bruce could’ve been wrong, because it wasn’t really any of his business how Tony had the whole place wired up so long as it worked, but it looked like they didn’t open until Tony _glared_ at them. The doors slid open almost reluctantly, and Bruce made a mental note to never install an artificial intelligence with an attitude.

Sunlight, smog, and a noticeable drop in temperature greeted them on the other side. Bruce immediately identified their destination: the gleaming latest-model StarkJet, looking like a sparkling new toy in Tony’s trademark red and gold. He took a quick survey of the limited area of Stark Tower’s roof. “Do you even have room up here for that thing to take off?” he asked dubiously.

“Have a little faith!” said Tony, looking offended. “What’s the point in reinventing the wheel if you can’t give it vertical takeoff? C’mon, ladies first, Dr. Banner.” He gave a little mock bow with a flourish, gesturing up the plain steel staircase into the jet. Bruce gave up on rationality. Following Tony’s lead hadn’t killed him yet, and it wasn’t like Fury could actually fire him. Tony was only a few steps behind.

He wasn’t surprised to see that the interior of the newest StarkJet was outfitted like a flying limousine, complete with cushy leather seats and an excessively large flatscreen TV on one wall. It was cozy— it wasn’t a jumbo jet, after all— but certainly roomy enough for two people to move around. He was equally unsurprised to watch Tony make a direct line for the minibar and pour himself a Jack and Coke. He’d almost be upset that Tony made absolutely no move to offer him something similar, except it was fairly obvious why he didn’t drink.

“You know, I seem to recall the previous model didn’t have such a flashy paint job,” Bruce remarked while Tony artistically added ice cubes to his drink.

“People love Iron Man. Why shouldn’t I take advantage of that.”

Bruce shrugged. “No reason, I guess. Don’t let it go to your head, though,” he said with a grin.

“You’ll never meet a man more humble,” Tony said solemnly. He waved his drink at nothing in particular. “JARVIS, take us to Disneyworld.”

“Right away, sir,” came the AI’s clipped tones. “Did you have a specific one in mind, or would you like me to pick whichever is most convenient.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “The one we discussed earlier.”

There was a slight pause. “Of course,” said JARVIS. Bruce thought he detected a hint of disapproval, but then again, he’d probably disapprove as well if he was stuck constantly babysitting a man like Tony Stark.

The room shuddered as the jet began to lift into the air. “Last call,” announced Tony with a nod towards the minibar. “I could get you a Coke, I guess. Or a chocolate milk.”

“I’m fine, really,” said Bruce amiably.

“Alright. Don’t say I didn’t offer. You’ll want to strap yourself in soon, though,” said Tony, settling into one of the rather lush chairs and retrieving an elaborate seatbelt assembly from somewhere within its folds. Bruce quickly sat down in a nearby seat and mimicked him, just as Nick Fury’s perpetual scowl appeared on the TV screen.

“Incoming call,” chimed JARVIS with impeccably late timing.

“Stark! What the hell do you think you’re doing? You don’t have authorization to fly that thing anywhere.” Fury’s one-eyed gaze drilled into them.

“Uh, it’s _my jet._ I think I can fly it wherever I like.”

“You’re under orders not to leave the tower.”

“It’s _my tower,_ too. Got my name on it and everything.”

“Don’t think for a second that I won’t shoot you down myself, even if it means hauling your sorry ass out of the smoking rubble.” Bruce had the sudden hilarious mental image of Fury in a tuxedo, the world’s angriest father of the bride handing off the lot of them to S.H.I.E.L.D. _Till death do us part._

“What, in the middle of New York? I think they might be a bit sensitive about planes and tall buildings around here—”

“Don’t try me, Stark.”

“—And it seems like a particularly bad idea with Dr. Banner on board.”

Nick Fury’s expression twisted sourly, but he didn’t say anything. _So that’s why he dragged me along,_ thought Bruce with disappointment. _I’m his hostage. Figures._

“What’s that?” said Tony, cupping an ear and leaning towards Fury’s visage on the screen. “Sorry, can’t hear you. Must be losing the connection.” He hit a button and Fury’s face disappeared. “There. Much better.”

“Aren’t you concerned we might be missing something important?” said Bruce. He put aside his bruised ego at being more valuable as a big green rage monster than as a cutting-edge scientist for the moment. Not like he was going to get a heartfelt apology out of _Tony Stark,_ anyway.

“Not a chance,” said Tony with a dismissive wave of his beverage. “I took a peek at Fury’s agenda. He wants to keep all us so-called Avengers close by so they don’t have to hunt us down if Loki or one of his pals shows up for a rematch. Which is fine, really, since I’ve already taken the liberty of adding rooms for everyone to Stark Tower during the repairs. Don’t worry, I gave you extra high ceilings. But Pepper can speak for me well enough; it’s most of her job, anyway. There’s really no reason for me to stick around while they look at wallpaper swatches or whatever.”

“What about what I want?” Bruce cut in.

“I thought you’d want to stay in the best-equipped laboratory in the country.”

“There’s more to research than having the biggest toys, Tony.”

“Really? Always did it for me.”

“No, I mean, what if there were other researchers I wanted to work with? Granted, a lot of them are too worried about, you know, the Other Guy, but I’ve had a few invitations to work on some very interesting studies.”

“Stark Industries is happy to hire any researcher smart enough to want to work with you.”

Bruce laughed. “That’s awfully kind of you. Still, there’s some who wouldn’t want to take you up on it just on principle. Big multi-billion dollar weapons manufacturer and all. Some people take issue with that.”

“Then let me offer you the finest luxury flights to the laboratory of your choice,” replied Tony, gesturing around the passenger cabin.

He shook his head, smiling. “I don’t see why you’re so determined to convince me to stay.”

Tony looked out the window and didn’t say anything. JARVIS announced that they were leaving the city and would soon be accelerating to cruising speed. Tony downed the last of his drink, stowed the glass in some invisible cabinet, and procured two pairs of oversized headphones from somewhere equally hidden, tossing one to Bruce. “It’s a long flight,” he said. “I recommend putting on these and taking a nap.”

Bruce slipped the headphones over his ears and was instantly enveloped in nearly absolute silence. He only had a moment to enjoy this before he felt the definite effects of a sharp acceleration. They were going much, much faster than the average commercial jet. Bruce thought of Tony’s compulsive need to do everything bigger and better than everyone else, and wondered (with no small amount of worry) what exactly the top speed of the StarkJet was.

They hit Mach 2 somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. Bruce made a resolution to find out exactly where the fuck Tony was taking him the next time he followed him _anywhere,_ even if it was just down the road for lunch.

He must’ve actually fallen asleep, or zoned out, or simply lost track of time, because it seemed like he blinked his eyes and suddenly Tony was having a muffled conversation with a woman on the screen. He relinquished his headphones and their excellent noise-cancelling capabilities to listen in.

“—received word that you’re traveling with Dr. Bruce Banner. I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, but I just can’t take the risk of damage to the facility.”

“I will personally compensate you for any damage incurred during the visit, whether or not Dr. Banner is involved,” Tony sneered.

“I—”

_“Double.”_

The woman on the screen looked uncomfortable. Bruce decided that Tony must own a portion of wherever they were going, but not all of it, or she would have agreed to his demands on the spot. “Alright, then. Double it is.” The screen flickered off, and Tony turned to Bruce, noticing he was awake.

“Well, well, look who decided to join us!”

Bruce shook his head. “I don’t understand. Where the hell are we?”

Tony stretched and unbuckled his seatbelt, now that they were moving well below the speed of sound. “Somewhere I’ve always wanted to go, but never had anyone to talk to about it who’d understand a word of what I said. Go on, look out the window.”

Bruce sighed and took a look. It didn’t seem like anything terribly impressive. They were somewhere in Europe, he guessed by the woman’s accent, but they could’ve been anywhere, really. There was an uneven scattering of flat beige buildings occasionally supplemented by nondescript trees. It looked like any of a dozen different military research compounds Bruce had been to. As he searched for distinguishing characteristics, he noticed a certain pattern to things. An enormous circle marked out by the little distances between buildings, and a smaller tangent ring near the largest building. He couldn’t gauge the diameter of the larger circle, not just eyeballing it from out of a plane, but if he had to guess, it would probably correspond to that of the largest and most powerful particle accelerator in the world.

“Okay, so maybe it is about having the biggest toys,” Tony said with an unrepentant shrug. “But it’s no fun being a genius when nobody appreciates just how much of a genius you are.”

“You ditched Fury’s meeting and crossed I don’t know how many international borders so we could visit the Large Hadron Collider? For what, the hell of it?” said Bruce in disbelief.

Tony nodded firmly. “Honeymoon ain’t over till the bride says so.”


End file.
